Valentine's Day (Synopsis)

Page one. A space station above the planet. Sirius (a reclusive, Leonardo da Vinci-type astronomer) is about to commit suicide, as well as end the “life” of Comet (an android, Sirius’s alter ego, and the novel’s protagonist). Comet argues that he is more than a machine--he believes he is sentient, with emotions and feelings even more mature than his master. Therefore, turning off Comet's circuits would be murder! In order to prove his sentience, Comet’s goal becomes to strengthen the love of four specific couples on the planet, and to return to the space station in 10 hours for a final evaluation. Success will prevent his master’s suicide, as well as earn Comet his freedom.

Comet transports down to the planet, composes valentine poems, and delivers them. Unfortunately, since none of the valentines are signed, each human imagines that their valentine came from someone other than their present lover. The result is an almost insurmountable reshuffling of love interests. Will (a valentine recipient, a policeman, and the novel's antagonist), sets out to destroy Comet at all costs, because, years ago, a malfunctioning android killed his three-year-old son. As partners realign into mismatched relationships, Comet's plight looks hopeless. Nevertheless, he triumphs--but not before he is forced to disguise himself as a pregnant woman, and Will falls in love with him/her!

Other characters include:

· Auntie Elizabeth, an eighty-year-old Granny Clampet turned nymphomaniac.

· Stallion, a young, handsome, chauvinistic, a-la-Cheers Sam Malone.

· Fanny, a twenty-three year old, street-sharp punk, torn between her desire for fast-paced passion and mature, fatherly commitment.

·Burgew and Pone, a pair of drunken gravediggers, who weigh-in with more wit than an MTV version of Hamlet.

·Two, about-to-be-divorced newlyweds--Bob, an actor-wanna-be with a bad case of introversion, and Tiff, his prudish and pampered Venus de Milo.

·A vat of middle-aged testosterone named Will, and his wife, the religiously conservative, yet sultry, Penelope--Valentine’s Day being their twenty-third wedding anniversary.

·Leuker, a skanky jack-of-all-trades. His business card boasts skills such as: Weddings (no witnesses necessary), Graveyard Maintenance and Water Seepage Prevention, Recycled Tombstones, and Exorcisms (except Devil himself).